Let me just tell you what happened....
We've just experienced the most beautiful wedding. As part of the floral decorations, we used ferns. These ferns were full and beautiful and huge. After the wedding, I used a couple here at home and took the rest to the beach. I hung three on the front porch and one on the back porch. Hanging ferns on your porch just adds something special. It makes it look all southern and such.
Well, when I went to the beach yesterday, I didn't notice it at first. I had walked over to my neighbors house to see her new porch. We were talking about the wedding and I told her that the ferns were from the wedding. I pointed to the back porch to show her the one there and, AND.....OMG, where is my fern? Y'all, it was gone! Nothing left but the chain it was hanging on.
You know how when you experience something traumatic and every thought in the universe runs through your mind in 3.2 seconds flat? Yeah, well...that's what was happening to me. I may have felt faint and nauseous, but I couldn't let my neighbor see my shortcomings. So, I just said.....something like, "Who would take my fern? All I know is they better be asking for forgiveness." But what I really wanted to say was, "I can't believe someone would steal my fern! I hope they get caught and their hands fall off. I hope the fern dies. If they wanted it so bad, they could have asked and I would have given it to them....don't just up and steal my fern!"
So, I looked all around the house wondering if maybe the wind blew it down....and...nothing. I questioned the neighborhood, asking if they had seen anyone take it. And no one had. Pam remembers seeing it on Sunday. So sometime between Sunday and Wednesday....a THIEF came on my porch and stole my fern! And I am still mad!
I kind of have an idea who might have done it. And I guess before I start wishing things fall off on the man, I should really hope he asks forgiveness....like I said originally. For now, I'm going to breathe deeply and try to get over it. Lord knows, I hope no more go missing. I don't want to spontaneously combust.
Fuming in the Carolinas,