Sunday, March 17, 2013

Aging Gracefully.......Really?


Warning: Men, you might want to stop reading now because today this post is going to be one of those "women" subjects. I'm telling you....be forewarned....turn back now. This post will not make any sense to a man. Although, it could be an eye opener......so go ahead, I guess, and read at your own risk.

Ok, ladies, here we go. Let's talk turkey about.......menopause. I know the subject has been discussed many times before. But what gets me is that when you're knee deep in it, you feel like you're the only one experiencing the so called "symptoms" of aging gracefully. So, the purpose of this post is to dispel that notion.....cause honey you ain't alone. We women must unite! We must talk about the symptoms that make us feel crazy or make others wonder if we are. I'm here to help. There are two major symptoms that most of us will endure. By talking about these two symptoms out loud, I can better prepare you for what's to come. They are the hot flashes and the mood.

1) The hot flashes began 13 years ago. Power surges from hell. They creep up on you when you least expect it. Except for the one that comes on you 5 minutes after lying down in bed at night. You know that one is coming! So, you wait for it and just as it is about to hit, you sling the covers off so fast that it nearly flips your husband out of bed.

Poor Cliff has had to endure perpetual winter conditions in our home. I've even been known to sleep with the bedroom window open when the temperature was in the 40's outside. An electric blanket was on his Christmas wish list that year.  He walks around at night with flannel pj's and a thick Berber robe on. Bless it! Needless to say, he's looking forward to a hot July-like summer. 

Me? Well, the hot flashes have lessened in frequency. I'm just saying there's nothing like 'em to teach a women some strategic measures, though. Like I said earlier, I'm here to help. You learn to live in shorts and flip flops. You won't be in need of a winter coat for a few years. You stay prepared by keeping a roll of paper towel and diaper wipes near by. You must carry extra make up with you at all times. Go to Wal-Mart and purchase a small battery powered hand-held fan with foam blades. Keep it in your purse along with an extra size AA battery. These come in handy and you'll thank me for this tip. Over and over you can be heard saying, "OMG, it's hot in here"!  Now, when you feel a hot flash coming on (there will be no doubt) just excuse yourself from the room. Don't worry....we will understand, especially if you've announced the previous statement. Just go on and take care of it. Use your fan!

2)  The moods have only been a problem for a couple of years now. Like hot flashes, I never know when "one" is going to come on me. Just out of the blue...wham...the mood shows up and says, "Slap that smile off your face. You're going to be Miss Cranky Pants today, possibly tomorrow or if I say so, all week". Lord. I hate when the mood shows up more so than the hot flashes. I used to be pleasant, happy go lucky and smiley pretty much all the time. But now, NOW, the mood renders me to a sour puss. The mood and I carry on conversations in my head. We talk about things like middle-aged fat, people that we can't stand and why we can't stand them. We get road rage and yell at dumb drivers. It's enough to confuse Sybil. You know who Sybil is, right? She's the chick with multiple personalities. I've met a few. We converse occasionally.

During this phase, your senses become heightened. You can spot a disingenuous person a mile away. You can't call them out on it, though. Because part of the whole menopausal curse is that no matter the situation or how bad you want to cut somebody, you have to maintain control and composure. But, BUT....you can give them a look. This is completely acceptable. They may see you or they may not, but at least you've put it out there. And now it becomes their job of discerning what the devil you just did that for.

The good news is that the people you have known and loved forever know what the heck is happening, when the mood shows up. But it's the new people in your life that has to wonder if you're worth getting to know or if they should high-tail it outta here. Well, bless it, all I can say to that is....I used to be pleasant most of the time and Lord knows, I sure hope I am again soon. I used to be able to laugh and be carefree and fun most of the time and I'm pretty sure I will be again. The older women in my life assure me it's just a phase and that this too shall pass. I sure hope so.....feeling a little loco at times, when the mood drops by, makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

And just so you know, if you haven't reached that 'menopausal pinnacle' yet....you will. And Lord help you, when you do!  Be prepared. Forewarn your family and friends now. The more they know, the better. Ask for forgiveness now and then remind them again, when the mood shows up.

Be strong! You will survive!

Disclaimer: This whole post was not the real me talking....it was the mood! Or, I could chalk it up to a public service announcement. Well, whatever!

Laurie


29 comments:

  1. lol. My poor kids would beg me to take.. my be nice pill... Since everything I had was removed when I was 28, they had to go though so much with me. Nail it again, sista

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    1. Oh, what we go through! Good thing our kids love us! LOL! Thank you!

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  2. The best thing is: we survive! Here a comment of my youngest son when he entered our bedroom one really cold winter morning: My God, I didn't know it's Siberia behind your bedroom door.
    Have a nice week!
    Magdalena

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    1. So funny, Magdalena. I begged many times to move to a colder climate. Siberia would work!

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  3. Oh Laurie, you had me laughing so hard. Mine started at around 42 (when my doctor said "oh you're much too young to be going through menopause and then at my insistence a year later did a blood test and said "oh - well - guess I was wrong") LOLOLOL And lasted until uhmmmm maybe 55 or so. Whereupon that lovely thing known as POST-menopause started. Don't even get me started about replacement hormone therapy - made me sick as a dog and don't think I even want to think about horse urine in my body LOL I'd just rather do without hormones thank you very much. After you go through all the wonderful moods and hot flashes in menopause - and OH I DON'T want to be the one to tell you this - but other things come up - literally. Don't EVER lean over a mirror or you might faint when you see your bulldog jowls for the first time and you didn't even realize you had them! Then all the hair on your legs and under your arms migrates up north (I guess they've had enough hot flashes) to your face until you feel like you could braid the hair on your cheeks. I promise you, shaving once a week and then pretending it isn't there until the next shave is the way to go. And while your hair is migrating to the north, your boobs will migrate to the south trying their hardest to touch your toes! Oh and deary, you don't have Alzheimers or all your friends do too. It's just that after going through menopause, your mind goes to Mexico on vacation and stays there. But I guarantee you, once you get past the shock of turning 60, you WILL be in a great mood once again. Even if it's just because you're still waking up each morning bwahahahahahahahahaha!

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    1. Oh glory, Jill! You mean I have more of this mess to go through? I guess when I get to 60, I'll be shouting for Joy! LOL!! Thanks for the heads up.

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  4. Ha! My doctor told me I was too young for menopause. I've done the hormone tests and everything came back rather normal. She wanted me to start taking pills to make my period come but I tried for 2 weeks and forgot more than I remembered. Plus, after doing some research, I decided I didn't want to take pills for the next umpteen years. I told her as long as nothing is medically wrong with me and my body is doing what it is supposed to be doing, then I shall go au naturelle. She told me I was stubborn. I used to have really bad PMS and mood swings and now they are gone. I used to have cravings, not any more. I'm actually pretty much at peace most of the time and better able to handle crap. I've not had a period now since August and am a month later for my annual exam so need to go do that. She won't be happy but I have to say, I'm really, really, really happy not have a monthly cycle. Yes, I do get hot flashes - but if that's going to be my only symptom, then I say bring it on. :) Best wishes, Tammy

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    1. I'm with you....who the heck wants their period back. That has been the best thing and grumpy or not, I can put up with the power surges.

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  5. My main symptom was insomnia for 10+ yrs Getting off sugar helped but I had to just live thru it. . Finally I sleep. Menopause is not for sissies!

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    1. Amen, sister! Thanks for stopping by and thanks for you comment. I've really enjoyed reading your blog. Glad I found you.

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  6. I've been on hormones since I was 45 after surgery that put me into menopause. I'm 60 and I know I should get off of them. I'm cutting them back and haven't had symptoms yet. I work in surgery and a hot flash wearing an extra gown, gloves, hat, shoe covers..isn't pretty. I watched some coworkers go through it! So I'm a bit leary, but I don't want cancer either! My Mom and Sister never had any hot flashes or mood swings..maybe I could be like that? I'm sure I'll find out once I'm off of the meds. Thanks for this insightful and delightful (the way you wrote it!) menopause warning post! Loved it!

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  7. I am cracking up at this and my daughter thinks I'm nuts.

    I hope the mood only last the minutes instead of days.

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    1. Hate to tell you Stacy, the mood usually lasts for a day or two. Lol!

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  8. Haha, you are telling my story here!!!! Maybe I need to have my hubby read this post, so he can see I'm not crazy, it's just life!

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    1. Share it, share it now Cindy, before it's too late!

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  9. Bless your heart for posting this! I can relate to the mood part most. I feel like that kid in Sixth Sense...."I think bad thoughts, all the time". You sound like you are very good at keeping those thoughts to yourself though. My biggest fear is that I'll go off on someone at Walmart or the grocery store! It seems the older I get, the looser the drawstring on my lips!
    ~hugs

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    1. Oh girl, it takes constraint of epic proportions to not go off on people. Wal-mart people are the worse.....the ones that unload their buggy and leave it right there in line in front of you are the worst. I think loose lips does come with age. It's like we earn our say, like it or not. Right?

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  10. If men had the menopause a cure would be found!!! I have had hot flushs, mood swings, depression, loss of 'you know what' and memory loss - it's a wonder I'm allowed out of bed never mind out of the house to do something responsible like a job! I'm 51 now, I've had 13 years of it so far, please let me be near the end!

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    1. Thanks for commenting! I'm right there with you! Hope it's over soon for you.

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  11. Laurie, your post is hilarious and oh so REAL! I think maybe I didn't suffer quite as bad from "hot flashes" as some folks, though even now, I still have one occasionally. But, those mood swings were an awful thing, really! I do declare, my mouth would open up and things would come out of there that I could have sworn came from a scene out of the Exorcist! Like someone had taken control. I didn't usually say curse words, but mean stuff. Seriously, anybody who knew me probably thought I had totally lost my mind. And that look you referred to, I know the one, exactly. It seemed like forever, I'm talking many years, before my usually personable self returned to stay(at least most of the time). Best wishes for a swift and happy return to you!

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    1. Well thank you Lynn. I hope I return to my old self soon, too. The Exorcist, huh? Now, that's funny!

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  12. thanks for the Funny post... well, not really... now I'm really scared....not quite there yet.... wondering if nobody looks into seeing a Naturopath?

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    1. Although I went o'naturalle, I did not see a Naturopath. My doctor offered meds and I declined. She did say that the combination of calcium and magnesium may help with the moods. It may have helped slightly, but I'm the world's worst when it comes to taking pills of any kind. I just plain forget to take them. So I guess I'll never know for sure. Good luck for you! If you do see a Naturopath, please let us know the outcome. Stock up on your chocolate now. You're gonna need a little something to calm your nerves. LOL!

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  13. Oh Lord! I don't think I've reached the pinnacle yet. I really don't have issues with moods, not too many hot flashes - it's just the dadgummed sleeplessness!!!! Menopause is my bitch! I'm getting a t shirt made...lol

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  14. It's not called the sisterhood for nothing!
    Hugs,
    Beth P

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  15. LOL I truly understand and Lord knows where those nasty moods come from, sometimes it's like someone from another planet invades my mind either that or I'm turning into that lady on the greeting cards. Hope you know the one. Maxine, I think it is LOL They crack me up.

    p.s. poor hubby lol

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