Warning: Men, you might want to stop reading now because today this post is going to be one of those "women" subjects. I'm telling you....be forewarned....turn back now. This post will not make any sense to a man. Although, it could be an eye opener......so go ahead, I guess, and read at your own risk.
Ok, ladies, here we go. Let's talk turkey about.......menopause. I know the subject has been discussed many times before. But what gets me is that when you're knee deep in it, you feel like you're the only one experiencing the so called "symptoms" of aging gracefully. So, the purpose of this post is to dispel that notion.....cause honey you ain't alone. We women must unite! We must talk about the symptoms that make us feel crazy or make others wonder if we are. I'm here to help. There are two major symptoms that most of us will endure. By talking about these two symptoms out loud, I can better prepare you for what's to come. They are the hot flashes and the mood.
1) The hot flashes began 13 years ago. Power surges from hell. They creep up on you when you least expect it. Except for the one that comes on you 5 minutes after lying down in bed at night. You know that one is coming! So, you wait for it and just as it is about to hit, you sling the covers off so fast that it nearly flips your husband out of bed.
Poor Cliff has had to endure perpetual winter conditions in our home. I've even been known to sleep with the bedroom window open when the temperature was in the 40's outside. An electric blanket was on his Christmas wish list that year. He walks around at night with flannel pj's and a thick Berber robe on. Bless it! Needless to say, he's looking forward to a hot July-like summer.
Me? Well, the hot flashes have lessened in frequency. I'm just saying there's nothing like 'em to teach a women some strategic measures, though. Like I said earlier, I'm here to help. You learn to live in shorts and flip flops. You won't be in need of a winter coat for a few years. You stay prepared by keeping a roll of paper towel and diaper wipes near by. You must carry extra make up with you at all times. Go to Wal-Mart and purchase a small battery powered hand-held fan with foam blades. Keep it in your purse along with an extra size AA battery. These come in handy and you'll thank me for this tip. Over and over you can be heard saying, "OMG, it's hot in here"! Now, when you feel a hot flash coming on (there will be no doubt) just excuse yourself from the room. Don't worry....we will understand, especially if you've announced the previous statement. Just go on and take care of it. Use your fan!
2) The moods have only been a problem for a couple of years now. Like hot flashes, I never know when "one" is going to come on me. Just out of the blue...wham...the mood shows up and says, "Slap that smile off your face. You're going to be Miss Cranky Pants today, possibly tomorrow or if I say so, all week". Lord. I hate when the mood shows up more so than the hot flashes. I used to be pleasant, happy go lucky and smiley pretty much all the time. But now, NOW, the mood renders me to a sour puss. The mood and I carry on conversations in my head. We talk about things like middle-aged fat, people that we can't stand and why we can't stand them. We get road rage and yell at dumb drivers. It's enough to confuse Sybil. You know who Sybil is, right? She's the chick with multiple personalities. I've met a few. We converse occasionally.
During this phase, your senses become heightened. You can spot a disingenuous person a mile away. You can't call them out on it, though. Because part of the whole menopausal curse is that no matter the situation or how bad you want to cut somebody, you have to maintain control and composure. But, BUT....you can give them a look. This is completely acceptable. They may see you or they may not, but at least you've put it out there. And now it becomes their job of discerning what the devil you just did that for.
The good news is that the people you have known and loved forever know what the heck is happening, when the mood shows up. But it's the new people in your life that has to wonder if you're worth getting to know or if they should high-tail it outta here. Well, bless it, all I can say to that is....I used to be pleasant most of the time and Lord knows, I sure hope I am again soon. I used to be able to laugh and be carefree and fun most of the time and I'm pretty sure I will be again. The older women in my life assure me it's just a phase and that this too shall pass. I sure hope so.....feeling a little loco at times, when the mood drops by, makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
And just so you know, if you haven't reached that 'menopausal pinnacle' yet....you will. And Lord help you, when you do! Be prepared. Forewarn your family and friends now. The more they know, the better. Ask for forgiveness now and then remind them again, when the mood shows up.
Be strong! You will survive!
Disclaimer: This whole post was not the real me talking....it was the mood! Or, I could chalk it up to a public service announcement. Well, whatever!