Warning.....for those who read between the lines: This post, while some truth does lie here, is merely a what if scenario.
Most of you know her, but for those who don't....I would like to introduce you to Miss Bones. She has lived with me now for 4 years. She was my constant companion in X-ray school. For a while, she just bore it all. Had no shame....just walked around the house naked as a jay bird. But then she started reading the fashion magazines and decided she liked what she saw. In no time at all, she was sporting the latest in fashion trends. Miss Bones loves to dress for the holidays and Christmas is no exception. So without further ado, I present.....Miss Bones a.k.a., at this time of year, as Mrs. Santa Claus.
Miss Bones dressed for Christmas toting her new Thirty One Bag
Miss Bones prior to her dental work
Miss Bones recently had some dental work done. For the longest time she had a silver tooth. Neither one of us thought too much of it. But, when she heard I had to visit the dentist, she asked if she could come along.
Well, we both thought we were getting the royal treatment when we heard the words...Crown, Porcelain, and Diamond burrs. I mean, really? A Crown?!? Ok, let's do it then. So we made appointments, had our temporaries made and then rescheduled to have the permanent crown placed; which is where this post picks up......
Just a little background information....I had a bad experience at the dentist's office as a child. I had to have some fillings and of course, when there are fillings, there are shots. My dentist, at the time, was an elderly white-haired man with hands as big as they come. And I know he tried to get both of them in my mouth a time or two. But that's not the traumatizing part. The traumatizing part were the shots! Oh my sweet mercy, those things hurt!! I carried that experience with me into adulthood.
Fast forward to some 30 plus years later. I'm still geechy from the dental experience I had as a child. But the more I visit my new and improved dentist, the better I feel (actually, he's been my dentist for many, many moons now). Anyway, my appointment was yesterday to have the permanent crown placed. Now, I have already had the temporary made and yes, I had to get shots in order for my dentist to do the work without having to peel me off the ceiling. And you know what? I didn't feel a thing that day or this!! He was so gentle...the only thing I felt was him holding my lip out of the way. Ok, he did squeeze my lip a little, but I handled it. Now for most people, a couple of shots of Novocaine or Lidocaine would work fairly quickly, but no.....not me. I had to sit a few minutes longer so the Novocaine could really kick in. Mind you, this is by no means my dentist's fault, it's just how I'm wired. Did I mention that my dentist is uber gentle? So, for the appointment yesterday, I needed a couple of shots of Novocaine so that the Dr. could remove any material left over from the temporary. Again, I felt nothing. Now, I had the luxury of sitting and waiting to get numb. They asked if I wanted a magazine, but I declined on the grounds of I'm half blind without my glasses, which I did not have. Miss Bones was as content as can be out in the waiting area reading Vogue and Oprah magazines.
Anyway, here I am sitting in the operatory, waiting, waiting and just waiting. Well...........a girl's mind begins to wander. I started to wonder.........what if my dentist drops the crown in my mouth just as he's about to place it on and OMG, I swallow it? Ewww, cold chills....shutter! Get that thought out of my mind. Because then, what would have to happen next??? I'm just guessing here.......but can you retrieve a swallowed crown? To save somebody some money? Oh my gosh....Laurie....change the subject. Next, I wonder...what if my dentist accidentally poked me in the lip with the Novocaine? Ewww, cold chills....shutter! I'm sure that would hurt. Oh wait! What if you could use Novocaine or Lidocaine as a cosmetic filler for the lips? You could call it Pucker-lip-ocaine. Get it? Lord, I'm gonna be rich when I tell my dentist this idea. We can market and sell this stuff. Women would pay good money for it. Uh oh, I hear voices. Voices! They're getting closer! Oh, it's just my dentist and his sweet assistant. Heart attack scare averted! They want to work on my tooth now. Sorry, I have to go.
In the end, God love her, Miss Bones got a shiny new porcelain crown...no more silver tooth for her. And I got my shiny new porcelain crown......shined up real purdy with my dentist's diamond burr. Ah....the joys of keeping up your appearances.
Miss Bones with her shiny new porcelain crown